"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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