plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
