I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
