Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
