hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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