Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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