So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
