remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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