I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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