I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
