How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
