I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
