what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
