I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just invented taco cereal.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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