What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
