if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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