anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
