I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
