well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
