I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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