ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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