i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
