you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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