She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
