Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
