I think I have vodka in my lungs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize