The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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