Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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