Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
