I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
