I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
