He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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