dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
