About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
