I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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