FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
