You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
