he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Come on in and take your pants off
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