Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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