You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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