You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize