I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
