What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
