I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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