just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
