we're blogging at a bar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
