Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
