Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
