I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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