Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
