I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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