Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.