i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she pinky promised me she was 18
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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