New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
someone owes me an orgasm
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
