i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
