I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
