I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
