The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
