a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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