Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
