Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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