So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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