She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
