Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
