Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
