Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
