i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
