happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize