You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
