seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
