My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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