yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
